Yesterday was the Super Bowl. And I am in America at the moment, so that was a thing.
Usually I predict the outcome of games based on which team mascot would win in a fight. Which actually works out more often than you’d think, except when the Jaguars play…basically anyone. If real Jaguars were that terrible at life, they would have died out from starvation and injuries caused by tiny fluffy birds years ago.
But I digress.
Last night’s matchup of the Seahawks versus the Patriots had me a bit stumped. I can comfortably place a bird in a death match, but what in the blazing saddle of nerf herders is a patriot (in the noun sense, not the adjective sense)? Do they have bad knees? Do they wear wigs that might interfere with their vision at inopportune times? I suspect patriots drink a lot, which might make them slow to react to furious dive bombing raptors with sharp claws but, truthfully, I don’t know for sure.
So I had to revert to my secondary determinant of loyalty: who has better food. And clearly that’s where New England comes out ahead because – crab. And chowder. How could a team fueled by creamy seafoody deliciousness NOT win?
So I headed to watch the game, ready to throw the full force of my freshly-minted loyalty at the Patriots. Which I did. Loudly. And they did not disappoint (thanks in part to a bizarre call where the Seahawks blew their chance to tie the game by trying to throw in a touchdown instead of running it three steps.) Yay!
Note: Image adapted from this awesome pic by Ton Rulkens. Creative Commons License here.